Just Like I Thought It Would

It happened…just like I thought it would. I have been feeling for a while now that God is preparing me and Jan for something; something different, something big. I also had a feeling that God would use the time at the Leadership Summit and our week away afterwards to communicate and build something into us.

I told God in preparation for these weeks that I was ready. I was ready for whatever He would ask. So much so that I gave a blanket ‘yes’ to whatever it would be. I told God I was ready to take a risk and stretch to do big things.

The second day of the Summit concluded in a similar way as the year previous. It was a prerecorded session dealing with the crisis of Aids in Africa. And similar to the previous year, it stirred so many emotions in both Jan and I. We walked out completely exhausted and emotionally raw. We were wrecked by the disgusting, heart-ravaging images and videos we were confronted with. We were both moved to a desire to want to get involved and ashamed at our lack of involvement so far.

This morning we boarded our plane on our way to Anchorage Alaska. We were spending the week there with our family for a week of vacation. After dropping our one year old off to Jan’s parents in Chicago on our way out we were sitting in airport Chili’s having a couple drinks and casually talking about the week ahead. Our conversation very abruptly shifted to the previous two days and what had happened in us as a result of the Summit and in particular the Aids crisis. Jan’s exact words were, “how are we going to get in the game?” For the next thirty minutes we had one of those conversations that just kept building and building until somehow we had arrived at this God-sized idea to get involved. It was one of those ideas that it was so exciting and so big, but also so hugely terrifying that you kind of wish you would have never had it.

Immediately terror set in. It was, without question, the biggest idea I’ve ever had (at least that I’d seriously consider). I was already making excuses as to why it wouldn’t work, why it was a bad idea. Then I remembered my conversation with God just days earlier. I had to at least consider it long enough to know if it truly was from God.

On the secondly leg of our flights to Alaska I read the verse in Acts 5 (38 & 39) where

I was both comforted and disturbed by this. If this truly was a God-inspired idea, I did not have to worry about it’s success. However, if this was something that Jan or I dreamed up, we would be left to our own devices, our own competency and be responsible for something that is so obviously bigger than us.

So that’s where I am. I am praying serious prayers and listening very closely. I still mean it – I am ready to take the risks that I’m asked to take. I’m ready to follow with reckless abandonment. I just want to make sure the right person is in front of me.